kitty cat
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The cat luxuriously stretched its body to twice its normal length.
Its paws clawed the carpet as it recoiled back to its normal stature.
August 25, 2008
The cat luxuriously stretched its body to twice its normal length.
Its paws clawed the carpet as it recoiled back to its normal stature.
I began to kneel to pick up the bit of freeze-dried hybrid mango that I had so rudely dropped on the carpet
“Don’t worry about it, the Robo-vaccum’ll get it,” my host so graciously assured me. I absolutely hated wasting freeze-dried mango; it was my weakness, just one of the myriad of temptations I succumbed to. I could not say no to sugary bright orange slices of the tropical fruit.
“Right,” I stammered and reverted back to my full 6′3” stature. I had not yet grown accustomed to the lifestyle of the outrageously wealthy in the new city. As a humble young journalist, I only sought the basics in life. Although I suppose a robo-vaccum wasn’t really anything new or lavish, but my apartment in the heart of the old sector did not contain such luxuries. In fact, after my dishwasher began sputtering a few years back, I have yet to get a replacement. According to my friends I was a Neanderthal, still living in the early 2000’s.
My host sat, legs-crossed on the red micro-fiber sofa of the minimalist style that the young wealth had embraced. I interviewed the up-and-coming originator of the movement the other week.
“Trey Phan, right?”
“What?” she responded absent-mindedly as her drink refilled itself. “Oh right. Paul loves this type of shit.” She crossed her legs again, this time left over right.
“Well that’s a good segue into the article. What’s it like living with Paul, arguably the premier architect of the new sector, and the definitely the youngest?”
“It’s great. He’s been gone a lot lately surveying different sectors all over the grid, but we make it work.”
“How did you two first meet?”
“I don’t know if he’ll like that I’m telling this, but actually a Pilates class. It was the summer before my senior year of college, and Paul joined my class. I didn’t know who he was then, but always thought he was cute.”
My handheld recorded each question and each answer with ease. Letters and words popped up on the screen at breakneck speeds. This was probably the only high-tech item I possessed. Suddenly, it stopped. I looked down at my handheld. I felt a ray coming in and sure enough my handheld began to vibrate.
“I’m really sorry, but I gotta take this.” I stepped onto their balcony overlooking the arrays of glass buildings, many of which Paul himself designed. A little image of my boss appeared, “First murder in the new sector. You’re the closest one there, so I need you on the scene. I know you normally only cover A&E, but sorry man, you’re the closest to the scene, so I need you there. You know I don’t want to do this, because damn, Liz sure is a hottie.”
My boss was one of those sexual-harassment types. This is why he wasn’t out doing the field work. I went back into the house.
“Sorry Liz, but I got to fly. You know how it is. Can we reschedule?” I asked apologetically and grabbed my jacket.
“Oh yea sure, not a problem. I’m not sure when I’ll be available next though. I’ll be working on the line and the benefit for the next few weeks. Just shoot me a ray, and I’ll see what I can do.” She downed her fourth glass.
“Thanks so much,” and I quickly left. Heading down to the area where the murder occurred, the streets got continually dirtier. Brand new sky-rises looked abandoned. Kevlar windows were scratched up and gratified over. The new sector wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. This I would soon find out.
My name is Frisbee Jackson. I have never successfully tried cocaine, never completed an extra-marital affair, never not known how to use a computer and as far as I knew, no one I call “friend” is a domestic terrorist. I am a woman, an Asian American and hopefully, your next president.
I was born to immigrant parents who escaped tyrannic regimes on a vessel called the Siren’s Song. Seeking a better education and life for themselves and their children, I was welcomed into this world at a hospital with both running water and electricity. My father worked tirelessly to earn a scholarship in order to study here in the United States. The value of American democracy and capitalism soon became ingrained in him and into our family. I feel an immense gratitude towards this great nation and its principals and pristine plumbing. Our country stands as a shining bacon of hope, liberty, where every person has a voice and may be given a chance to sing as a contestant on American Idol. I will maintain these traditions.
As an adolescent, I took full advantage of every opportunity that presented itself to me except for one. In addition to my early literary contributions to the Society for the Blind, I was heavily involved in journalism, debate, speech, politics, trivial bowl & pursuit, theater, teaching sex ed, tutoring, Model UN, teen court, cancer research, orphan-organizing, Almond Joy eating and various volunteer services within my community. It is through these after school activities that I quickly emerged as a true leader and role model.
After the after school activities, one would often find myself tutoring ESL (English as a Second Language) students, many of whom are refugees from war-torn Africa. More specifically the dangerous city of Mogadishu in Somalia. Viewing their struggled attempts to assimilate into American culture was both heart-warmingly wonderful and wonderfully heart-breaking. Fartun, fluent in three languages: Somali, Swahili and English, had hoped one day to become a translator or teacher. She took studies in Arabic at the local Muslim temple on the weekends and rented Bollywood classics such as Disco Dancer & Adhisaya Piravi from the local library. Hers was a love for language and culture beyond the norm. But the barrage of standardized tests, brought on by No Child Left Behind and its lack of funding, took its toll on Farsta. She was labeled as someone incompetent and beneath her fellow classmates. I really forgot where I was going with this but Furby sure was smart girl.
Being a proud member of the Teen Council, I realize the importance of tactical civic engagement and national surveillance. Last year, I put in over 8000 independent hours of community service, teaching kids in the classroom about body image, unhealthy relationships and incomprehensible sex education. Our goal was to decrease the skyrocketing level of sexually perverted diseases, teen pregnancies and controversial late-term abortions. We thought education was the answer, but now we’re not so sure.
Affordable housing is another hot topic I’ve dwelled on. I addressed it while writing a letter on behalf Habitat for Humanity: Youth United to state representatives and community leaders. Thousands of Americans cannot afford decent 2 to 4-story condos for their grandparents and/or other loved ones. They are either left out in the cold dry weather or in a subterranean basement somewhere. As a part of Habitat, I worked carelessly to build homes for needy families and suggested more legislation for expensive housing projects.
Protecting the environment is an unusually high priority. As media and public affairs coordinator for a environmental/energy conservation group, I made sure the organization’s leader got busted for several serious parking violations tarnishing the group’s reputation forever. I also helped short sell hundreds of compact fluorescent bulbs for only $1. This year our project is even more ambitious: we raised enough money to put solar panels over every square inch of our school with more left over to finance personal pet projects like figuring out how to make money recyclable.
One other important but often overlooked issue is the technological event horizon. With the recent discovery of the internet and other frontiers, a President must be knowledgeable enough in these departments to govern reasonably over what will surely be thought about next. I am so well-versed in the computer internet and electrical mail that I will be virtually reality compatible within the six months or so. Additionally as President, I will run on an open source platform that will ensure all people, Croatian or Ethiopian; female or dogs; will all have the same access to the wonder that is Uncyclopedia and EweTube.
I know what it’s like to come from humbug beginnings (I only had four ponies as a child), to grow up in the hustle and bustle of the suburbs. I know what it’s like to see your savings dwindle until only 6 zeroes remain. I know what it’s like to leave your Jaguar XK Victory Edition convertible in a Walmart parking lot only to come back to a huge dent in the passenger side door. I know that the shining image of the United States has tarnished among our foreign colleagues in recent years; the eagle is balding. I will strive hard to rid not only America, but the world of these grave injustices. Be assured that as your President, I will make the United States a better place for all, so that its citizens can once again be proud of themselves and their unhealthy habits. Please don’t vote for Frisbee Jackson 2032.
Published in Facsimile Magazine Nov. 2008. Editted by Haoyan of America. Reeditted by Frisbee Jackson.
To the older couple swinging their hands held, walking down Broadway towards the park as the sun, snug in the sky, slowly comes off its pedestal—
Thank you.
To the father playing catch with his young son in the brilliantly green front lawn,
Thank you.
To my neighbors, who I suspect are slightly tipsy, and are talking several decibels higher than necessary on their deck about driving (quote: “there was a fucking garbage truck driving on the wrong side of the road),
Please stop.
Thank you for this beautiful day.
Common Exchange
Person A: “God, that burrito did not settle well with my stomach.”
Person B: “At least you had something to eat. There are starving children in Africa, that WISH they could have had that burrito.”
Interchange burrito with chili, nachos, sesame chicken and everyone has been a witness or participant of such a conversation.
However, the notion that there is bound to be someone somewhere suffering much more than you, so you should just suck it up, is deeply flawed.
It is condescending. One is clearly putting themselves in a position where they can still be above others. It’s seeking contentment out of the anguish of others, which is kind of sick, if you really think about it. Yes! Those famished African children have it much worse, now I feel much better and will quit my bitching. See?
Additionally, with this philosophy, there is no motivation or drive to get out of one’s current situation. It tries to legitimize one’s current status by saying it’s okay. So what I just gambled my house, children’s college tuition and retire money away? Some people out there don’t even have money to lose in the first place. I should be happy with what I’ve got.
Instead of partaking in such backward thinking, one ought t o strive to make oneself better, and persevere out of the situation. Pondering the plight of others worse off will not help your situation at all.
Sometimes I find myself slipping into such backwards thinking. Hypocrite that I am, I consider the poor African children, but then I realize I just need to worry about getting my own ass together.