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Birthdays are weird. they’re overrated and underrated at the same time. because you go into it with your souped up modesty– “oh no, please this card/gift was unnecessary.” and when people break out in song “oh no, please stop singing. it’s not a big deal.” at the same time, it makes you feel really good inside. they are all recognizing and celebrating your day. it’s kind of neat, and something that puts you in a league with martin luther king jr. and “the presidents.” and if your friends forget, it makes you kind of sad. you kind of come to expect outbursts of “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” or hastily-made “cards” (computer paper shoddily folded in half written with pens and highlighters for that splash of color).

At the same time, why is this day really any difference. And after the age of 13, the buildup and fun really isn’t there anymore. (With the exceptions of 16, 18 and 21, of course). but honestly 17? who really cares… “oh you can see an R rated movie.” but i saw Titanic when i was 11. not a big deal at all. after 13, only birthdays that come with writs of passage really matter.

in fact, i feel like birthdays can even be worse than normal days. just like in 16 candles, there is so much expectation and so much room for failure unlike any other day. any other day, an average joe schmo pessimist like me, imagines that day will have its fair share of shittiness. however, on your birthday, it almost has to be good. it’s the day you were introduced into this world, after all. the bar is set so high, it’s easy to limbo underneath it.

basically what i’m trying to say is today felt kind of special. but at the same time. not special at all. a completely ordinary day. but extraordinary at the same time. someone baked me brownies, another made me cookie bars, and another sent me flowers. so unnecessary. but so nice. :) but now, there isn’t really anything. it’s over. it all happens so quickly. and now i just feel kind of crappy. but i felt kind of crappy before. i don’t know…